On Friday, before my daughters big birthday party weekend I made an error in something I wrote for a client, and it got me all “in my head” about an old story that got it’s claws into me, and it threatened to throw me off my game.
I received a degree in English, and yet I’ve never been able to spell or grammatacise (wait, that rhymes with exercise, no wonder! and ps. people- that’s not a real word).
Although I’ve been a writer (in my own mind) my entire life- I’m always getting corrected for pieces I post or present- even in business- *Sigh*
If there aren’t a few spelling or grammar errors in my writing, then it’s not mine.
Just when I think i am getting the hang of it- someone asks me weather or not I used the proper word, or was that whether? exactly.
I used to hide my thoughts away in my journals where no one cared if I put the apostrophes in the right places, or mis-used the word Whether, Weather, or Wether.
Sometimes these learning “gaps” an make me feel shame – and yet it’s not something about myself I can seem to rectify.and although I have not given up trying- It’s just something about myself that still bothers me, but only for a few moments- or maybe even a day or two, which is a huge improvement over how it used to be.
In the past, I might have lived inside the “I’m stupid” story for months or even longer after a grammatical correction, not venturing outside the invisible “safe box” I’d created around myself (long ago) – purposely not writing anything that would reveal my weaknesses!
Now I can recover more quickly because I re-created myself.
I created myself to be someone who is fully self expressed without the fear of ridicule, corrections, or judgments. Someone who can laugh, and loves to make others laugh, and who’s willing to look imperfect, and less than completely buttoned up. I created myself to be filled with boundless love for myself and others, and to share deeply with those i love. I created myself to think BIG, and to dream, and I have given myself permission to be wildly creative and quirky.
And I want to THANK YOU. I know you are reading, and I know you may be noticing my imperfections.. but here you are anyway. You create the safe space for me to express myself and “be” messy, creative, funny, insightful, pedantic, goofy, brilliant or just plain silent.
I’m done talking myself out of my dreams and passions by minimizing the importance of things in my life that really move me, and make me feel alive. Writing and sharing and putting my creative expression in the world is what makes me happy.
When it comes to business, my strength will never be as a copy editor, and that’s ok because what I know and accept about myself is that I have different gifts to leverage. I tend to overlook details, but what you can count on me for is in my ability to see the big picture. I can be happy with mediocrity when it comes to writing, and feel secure in the fact that I although it’s something i love to do- I may not necessarily shine there. Gonna give myself permission to do it anyway.
There are mediocre dancers. does it mean they should not twirl? There are mediocre public speakers, does that mean they have nothing important to say? There are average students, does it mean they should not study their passion? There are poor spellers, and gramat-a-phobics- does that mean they can’t write something that might make you think, or laugh out loud? There is always room for improvement. yes, always. But sometimes it’s empowering to declare something “good enough”- yes, there is freedom there.
I’m self expressing…and giving it hell.
I’m offering… and over-looking the details so that I can dive into the essence.
I’m connecting… because there is so much to learn, and share.
I’m partnering.. .because then I can lean in and get support where I need it (anyone want to be my editor?)
I’m making mistakes… i guess, because I’m willing.
I ‘m writing. I’m laughing, I’m loving.
These are the things that I hold dear.
So what about you?, I wonder if you have a passion you are dying to express but are afraid to look mediocre, average, or stupid.
What would you do, if you didn’t care what other people had to say about you?
What would you say, if you thought your words would not be used against you?
How would you feel, if you gave up trying to please others, and just did the thing inside you that made your heart sing?
Who would you create yourself to be?